A few of my favorite Jack Handey "Deep Thoughts" quotes:
When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
For you Disney lovers:
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
And for all of us in "The Amazing Grace" series:
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
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